stabs in the dark

The Development of the Kuyperian Worldview in the Life and Thought of Abraham Kuyper

2007-04-26T15:05:00.000-07:00

This is a paper I wrote recently for my history of Christianity class on Abraham Kuyper. Enjoy.
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Mark Noll, in his acclaimed book The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind, bemoans the fact that most evangelical Christians today are unprepared for serious intellectual engagement with postmodern culture. In casting about for any example of such intellectual engagement among Christians, Noll points to the Dutch Reformed tradition[1], and more particularly, to the man who played such a decisive role in shaping that tradition: Abraham Kuyper.[2] The feature of this Dutch Reformed�also called Kuyperian or neo-Calvinist�tradition which is invariably invoked in its engagements with contemporary culture is the concept of worldview.[3] The term became a part of the Dutch Reformed tradition through a series of lectures delivered at Princeton University in 1898[4] in which Abraham Kuyper presented Calvinism not simply as a denomination or collection of doctrines, but as a worldview or, to use Al Wolters� definition of the term, �[a] comprehensive framework of one�s basic belief about things.�[5] In this essay, we shall briefly examine how the worldview concept worked its way into the discourse of nineteenth century intellectuals and how it came to be applied to Christianity in particular. Then we shall turn to Kuyper himself and examine how the Calvinistic worldview, as he referred to it, developed in his thought and action in the years leading up to 1898.

The term worldview[6] is something of a new term in the English language. The term first appeared in English in a letter by J. Martineau in 1858 as a translation of the slightly older German term Weltanschauung. Weltanschauung first appeared in a work by Immanuel Kant entitled Critique of Judgement published in 1790. The term was used only once by Kant himself, somewhat incidentally and without the connotations and robust meaning it would come to have. However, his disciples, most notably Johann Gottlieb Fichte (1762-1814), seized on the term and used it extensively. For Kant�s followers the term came to mean, according to David Naugle, �an intellectual conception of the universe from the perspective of a human knower.�[7] Weltanschauung soon became a favourite word among German philosophers and within twenty years was used in the writings of Friedrich Schleiermacher, Novalis, G. W. F. Hegel and Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. By the middle of the nineteenth century the term had spread into the discourse of a number of other disciplines including history, music, linguistics, and even physics. At the same time the term began to spread into other European languages. By 1898, the year of Kuyper�s Stone Lectures, Weltanschauung or worldview had become embedded in the intellectual discourse of Europe and North America and occupied a place on the same conceptual plane as philosophy.[8]

Worldview was first used to refer to Christianity in a series of lectures by the Scottish Presbyterian theologian James Orr (1844-1913). Orr delivered these lectures to the United Presbyterian Theological College of Edinburgh in 1891. They were published two years later under the title The Christian View of God and the World. Their purpose was to defend the Christian faith to a European culture which was in the midst of a massive and, in Orr�s mind at least, catastrophic shift. C. S. Lewis referred to this shift as the �un-christening of Europe�[9]: the move from a Christian age to a �post-Christian� age through the modernist revolution. The strategy which Orr used to make his defence was to speak of Christianity as a comprehensive Weltanschauung. Orr recognised the futility of trying to defend specific doctrines to a European audience which was growing increasingly suspicious of Christianity and saw the need to deal with Christianity more comprehensively as a worldview:

The opposition which Christianity has to encounter is no longer confined to special doctrines or to points of supposed conflict with the natural sciences,�but extends to the whole manner of conceiving of the world, and of man�s place in it�. It is no longer an opposition of detail, but of principle.[10]

This worldview had implications for all thought, not just the religious. Orr�s Christian worldview was based on the firm conviction that belief in Christ �committed [the believer] to much else beside.�[11] The believer is committed to certain views of God, man, sin, salvation, and human destiny which are unique to Christianity and which stand in stark contrast to the purely scientific or philosophical worldviews. Thus Orr paved the way for and inspired Kuyper who, five years after the publishing of The Christian View, would seize on this idea of worldview and make it the centre of his thought. Before delving into how that came about, a brief biographical note is in order.

Abraham Kuyper (1837-1920) possessed, among other things, a very big head. In fact, when he was child, his parents feared that he suffered from water on the brain.[12] Whether or not he also possessed a big head in the egotistic sense is open to debate. But if anyone could ever be justified in having such a disposition, Abraham Kuyper was certainly such a one. The list of accomplishments of this man are quite considerable.[13] After receiving a doctorate in sacred theology from the University of Leiden, he served ten years (1864-1874) as a minister in the Dutch Reformed Church. He founded two newspapers, De Heraut (The Herald) in 1871 and De Standaard (The Standard) in 1872, and was editor of both for more than forty-five years. In 1874 he was elected to the Dutch Parliament. In 1879 he founded the Anti-Revolutionary Party, the first modern, organised, and popular political party in the Netherlands. He served as its leader for more than forty years including four years (1901-1905) as Prime Minister. He was an academic theologian and in 1880 founded the Free University of Amsterdam. In the early 1880s he led a protest movement in the Nederlandse Hervormde Kerk (Dutch Reformed Church) which result in a schism in 1886 and the formation of the confederation of Gereformeerde Kerken (Reformed Churches). He wrote more than two hundred books and over a thousand articles on a broad range of subjects. He spoke several languages and travelled extensively throughout Europe. He was also married and had a number of children.[14] Perhaps unsurprisingly he suffered three nervous breakdowns during his lifetime. All the while, he managed to maintain the love and loyalty of the Dutch people, almost to the point of hero-worship.[15]

James Bratt has aptly commented that Kuyper�s life is characterized by �a work ethic gone gargantuan out of a conviction that, though the world theoretically lay in God�s hands, the project of proving that fact in detail had fallen to him on every front.�[16] Kuyper himself put it this way in the twenty-fifth anniversary edition of De Standaard:

One desire has been the ruling passion of my life�. It is this: That in spite of all worldly opposition, God�s holy ordinances shall be established again in the home, in the school and in the State for the good of the people; to carve as it were into the conscience of the nation the ordinances of the Lord, to which Bible and Creation bear witness, until the nation pays homage again to God.[17]

The �worldly opposition� which Kuyper is referring to here is modernism, which he saw as being represented in the ideals of the French Revolution, German pantheism, and Darwinian evolutionism.[18] The tool, or weapon, which Kuyper used to defend against such opposition was worldview. It was his conviction that, if modernism, which was based on idolatry, could be �stretched out� to apply to all facets of life, could have such wide implications, then Christianity, which was based on obedience to God and faith in Christ, must be similarly �stretched out� into an equally comprehensive view of reality. This is what Kuyper�s Stone Lectures were meant to show. We have seen how this concept developed generally in the philosophical discourse of the nineteenth century and how it came to be �Christianized� through the work of James Orr. What about Kuyper himself? How did his concept of the Calvinistic worldview develop in his own thought in the years leading up to the Stone Lectures?

While Kuyper gave his idea of worldview its fullest expression in the Stone Lectures and indeed did not use the term �worldview� or Weltanschauung in its full sense in any of his discourse up until that time, a number of its key features appeared much earlier. First, he discovered the impact of worldview on his own personal thought and action. In his reflections upon his 1863 �conversion� from liberalism to orthodox Calvinism, he acknowledged that his former life was based upon a foundational, unifying principle or �spiritual orientation of the�heart�[19] which directed all his thought and action. Through conversion that principle changed and thus his thought and action were redirected accordingly. Thus the realisation that one�s life is inherently guided by one�s worldview. Second, he discovered how worldview, particularly the Calvinist worldview, can shape the life of a community. This development came during his first ministerial assignment in the village of Beesd (1863-1867). Here he was struck by the villagers coherent Calvinist way of life and way of looking at the world. Kuyper describes his discovery rather poignantly:

There was not only knowledge of the Bible but also knowledge of a well-ordered world-view, though of old-Reformed style. It was sometimes as though I was sitting on the lecture-room benches hearing my talented mentor [at the University of Leiden, J. H.] Scholten lecturing on the �doctrine of the Reformed Church,� but with inverted sympathy. And what, for me at least, was the most attractive, was that here spoke a heart that not only possessed but also understood a history and experience of life�. Those ordinary working people, hidden away in a corner, told me in their rough regional dialect the same thing Calvin had given me to read in beautiful Latin. Calvin could be found, however misinformed, among those simple country-folk, who had hardly heard of his name. He had taught in such a way that he could be understood, even centuries after his death, in a foreign country, in a forgotten village, in a room floored with tiles, with the mind of an ordinary labourer.�[20]

Thus Kuyper discovered that a specific worldview could be lived out by a group of simple country-folk, i.e. it was not simply an intellectual category relegated to the ivory tower of philosophy. But perhaps more importantly, for the first time he experienced a specifically Calvinistic way of life, a Calvinistic worldview. Third, he discovered the importance of worldview for scholarship. This discovery was spelled out in Kuyper�s 1871 lecture Modernism: The Fata Morgana in the Christian Domain. In this polemical speech against theological liberalism, Kuyper describes a change in worldview of his former professor, J. H. Scholten. In 1858, when Kuyper was studying under Scholten at Leiden, the professor upheld the Johannine authorship of the Gospel of John. Six years later however, Scholten changed his mind on the issue, which he himself acknowledged to be the result of a shift in his own thinking from a Platonic to a more Aristotelian worldview. While Kuyper did not hold this shift against Scholten and still held him in high esteem, he used this shift to illustrate that every scholar�s conclusions are dependent upon their worldview.[21]

Despite these elements of worldview thinking in Kuyper�s thought, Peter Heslam has argued that before the Stone Lectures Kuyper made no attempt at articulating the Calvinistic worldview in a deliberate and specific way.[22] While this may be true and while it is important not to read his later ideas back onto his earlier ones, greater nuance would perhaps be more helpful. For while the terms Weltanschauung or �worldview� might not have appeared in Kuyper�s writings, key elements of what would come to known as the Calvinistic[23] worldview were developed in the period between 1871 and 1898. These cannot simply be passed over. Kuyper�s activity in both press and politics as well as the formulation of the ideas of �sphere sovereignty� and �antithesis� during this period must be seen as being in continuity with what he discovered early on and what he articulated in the Stone Lectures.

In 1874 Kuyper was voted into the Dutch Parliament. In order to be sworn in, Kuyper first had to give up his clerical office. This change in careers did not mean a forsaking of his religious concerns but rather was an opportunity for Kuyper to increase his influence in pushing for the reformation of Dutch society. Already at this time, Kuyper conceived of Calvinism as being much more than simply a collection of doctrines, but as having real implications for the right ordering of society and politics (over against the real implications of the Enlightenment and the French Revolution).[24] As such, �Kuyper saw it as incontestable that the Calvinistic�movement had to be active not only in the religious domain but also in society and political life.�[25] It is this vision of Calvinism which motivated Kuyper in all his various roles. He worked tirelessly in his political career not only to work in Parliament for the reformation of society, but also to raise public support and sway public opinion through his daily editorials in De Standaard, often by appealing to the Calvinist national heritage of the Netherlands. This vision of the social and political implications of Calvinism would become a hallmark of the Kuyperian worldview. Thus the idea that Calvinism could be used as a comprehensive framework for the ordering of society was beginning to crystallize in Kuyper�s thought well before 1898.

The theory of �sphere sovereignty� must also be considered in the development of Kuyper�s thought between 1871 and 1898. �Sphere Sovereignty� was the title of Kuyper�s address at the opening of the Free University in Amsterdam in 1880. In it, he put forth the idea that all of human life is divided into separate spheres.

Just as we speak of a �moral world,� a �scientific world,� a �business world,� the �world of art,� so we can more properly speak of a �sphere� of morality, of the family, of social life, each with its own domain. And because each comprises its own domain, each has its own Sovereign within its bounds�. The cogwheels of all these spheres engage each other, and precisely through that interaction emerges the rich, multifaceted multiformity of human life.[26]

Towards the end of his address Kuyper, in perhaps his most famous utterance, cried, �there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: �Mine!��[27] This theory would play a tremendous role in the formation of Kuyper�s Calvinistic worldview. Precisely because Christ is sovereign over all spheres of life, there is no sphere in which Christian activity is illegitimate, and it is therefore possible to construct a Christian worldview which comprehends all spheres.

Also present in the �Sphere Sovereignty� address, Kuyper makes mention of two different �credos [which] stand squarely against each other�[28]: one is derived from the confession that all sovereignty rests in God; the other denies this confession and cannot think of a higher sovereign than the state. Again, while it would be presumptuous to read the worldview concept into this, this mention of two �credos��or �life convictions� as he also referred to them�is of particular significance as an early expression of the idea of antithesis. A key aspect of Kuyper�s thoughts on worldview had to do with there being essentially two different kinds of people: the regenerate and the unregenerate. As Kuyper later expresses it in his Encyclopaedia of Sacred Theology (1893-1898): �Both are human, but one is inwardly different from the other, and consequently feels a different content rising from his consciousness; thus they face the cosmos from different points of view, and are impelled by different impulses.�[29] In the Stone Lectures Kuyper would apply this concept to the two different and opposing worldviews fighting for the soul of Europe: the Modernistic one and the Calvinistic one.[30]

Thus in the period between 1871 and 1898 three key features of the Kuyperian worldview made their appearance in Kuyper�s thought: first, the idea that Calvinism is much more than a collection of doctrines and has implications for politics and society; second, that human life is divided into multiple spheres over which Christ has claimed supreme sovereignty; and third, the concept of antithesis between the regenerate and the unregenerate.

In an 1896 address to the general synod of the Gereformeerde Kerken, Kuyper bemoaned the fact that there was no Calvinistic worldview which could oppose the modern pagan worldview. Here for the first time Kuyper intentionally and decisively�and, in a way, finally�adopts the concept of worldview into his thinking. Here the influence of James Orr must be considered. The Christian View of God and the World was published in 1893 and while Kuyper makes only passing mention of it in a footnote of his Lectures on Calvinism, his concept of worldview bears striking resemblance to that of Orr�s.[31] It is apparent that Kuyper was familiar with Orr and had read his work before 1898. Perhaps it was his reading of Orr which motivated Kuyper�s complaint. Whatever the source of Kuyper�s angst, he seems to have taken the matter into his own hands for, when a letter arrived in October 1896 from the faculty of Princeton University inviting him deliver the prestigious Stone Lectures, Kuyper seized on the opportunity to articulate the worldview which he saw as so necessary for the fight against modernism: �Calvinism, as the only decisive, lawful, and consistent defence for Protestant nations against encroaching, and overwhelming Modernism,�this of itself was bound to be my theme.�[32]

In formulating the content of this Calvinistic worldview, Kuyper did not have to do a whole lot of original thinking. Key elements of that worldview had been developing in his mind in the decades leading up to the Stone Lectures. Since his conversion he had at least pondered the significance of a guiding principle for the life of an individual. In the village folk of Beesd, he had discovered how such a principle could guide the lives a group of people. Through his work in politics and the press he not only embodied the practical implications of worldview for the life of a society but also realized the comprehensive nature of worldview. In his theories of sphere sovereignty and antithesis he had a coherent framework within which to construct his worldview. And it had a foundation on the historical, practical Calvinism which he had discovered in the village folk of Beesd. Thus Kuyper�s adoption of the concept of worldview did not indicate a major shift in his thought but as something into which his life and thought up to that point could become more clearly and coherently defined and defended against the overwhelming �storm of Modernism.�[33]

Thus we see, not only the historical development of the concept of worldview, but how this concept developed in Abraham Kuyper�s thought and life. In setting up Calvinism as a comprehensive worldview with implications for all �spheres� of human life, Kuyper not only found a way in which to define and defend his vision for Dutch society, he provided his followers with a conceptual framework which continues to be a resource for guiding Christian intellectual engagement with contemporary culture.[34]

BIBLIOGRAPHY
Bolt, John. �Editorial.� Calvin Theological Journal 31 no. 1 (1996): 9-10.
Bratt, James D. �Abraham Kuyper: Puritan, Victorian, Modern.� In Religion, Pluralism and Public Life: Abraham Kuyper�s Legacy for the Twenty-First Century, ed. Luis E. Lugo, 3-21. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2000.
De Bruijn, Jan. �Calvinism and Romanticism: Abraham Kuyper as a Calvinist Politician.� In Religion, Pluralism and Public Life: Abraham Kuyper�s Legacy for the Twenty-First Century, ed. Luis E. Lugo, 45-58. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2000.
Henderson, R. D. �How Abraham Kuyper Became a Kuyperian.� Christian Scholars Review 22, no. 1 (1992): 22-35.
Heslam, Peter S. Creating a Christian Worldview. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans; Carlisle: Paternoster, 1998.
________. �The Meeting of the Wellsprings: Kuyper and Warfield at Princeton.� In Religion, Pluralism and Public Life: Abraham Kuyper�s Legacy for the Twenty-First Century, ed. Luis E. Lugo, 22-44. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2000
Kossmann, E. H. The Low Countries, 1780-1940. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1978.
Kuyper, Abraham. Abraham Kuyper: A Centennial Reader. Edited by James D. Bratt. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans; Carlisle: Paternoster, 1998.
________. Lectures on Calvinism. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1931.
McGoldrick, James E. Abraham Kuyper: God�s Renaissance Man. Auburn: Evangelical Press, 2000.
Naugle, David K. Worldview: The History of a Concept. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2002.
Noll, Mark A. The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1994.
Olthius, James H. �On Worldviews.� In Stained Glass: Worldviews and Social Science, ed. Paul A. Marshall, Sander Griffioen, and Richard J. Mouw, 26-40. Lanham: University Press of America, 1989.
Wolters, Albert. Creation Regained: Biblical Basics for a Reformational Worldview. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1985.
________. �Dutch Neo-Calvinism: Worldview, Philosophy and Rationality.� In Rationality in the Calvinian Tradition, ed. Hendrik Hart, Johan van der Hoeven, and Nicholas Wolterstorff, 113-131. Lanham: University Press of America, 1983.
________. �On the Idea of Worldview and Its Relation to Philosophy.� In Stained Glass: Worldviews and Social Science, ed. Paul A. Marshall, Sander Griffioen, and Richard J. Mouw, 14-25. Lanham: University Press of America, 1989.
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[1] �The Dutch Reformed tradition has been the single strongest intellectual resource for the renewal of Christian philosophy� (Mark Noll, The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind [Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1994], 237).
[2] John Bolt, �Editorial,� Calvin Theological Journal 31 no. 1 (1996): 9-10.
[3] For recent examples of such engagements see Appendix A in David K. Naugle, Worldview: The History of a Concept (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans 2002), 349-356.
[4] These lectures, endowed by the Stone foundation and known as the Stone Lectures, were also published in book form: Abraham Kuyper, Lectures on Calvinism: Six Lectures Delivered at Princeton University Under the Auspices of the L. P. Stone Foundation (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1931).
[5] Albert M. Wolters, Creation Regained: Biblical Basics for a Reformational Worldview (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1985), 2. A more comprehensive (and more lengthy) and perhaps more satisfactory definition of the term can be found in James Olthius, �On Worldviews,� in Stained Glass: Worldviews and Social Science, ed. Paul A. Marshall, Sander Griffioen, and Richard J. Mouw (Lanham: University Press of America, 1989), 26-40.
[6] The terms �world- and life-view�, �life perspective�, or �confessional vision� all mean roughly the same thing, as does �life-system� which was used by Kuyper in the Stone Lectures.
[7] Naugle, Worldview, 59.
[8] Ibid., 58-67.
[9] C. S. Lewis, �De Descriptione Temporum,� in Selected Literary Essay, ed. Walter Hooper (Cambridge: At the University Press, 1969), 4-5, 12; quoted in Naugle, Worldview, 6.
[10] James Orr, The Christian View of God and the World as Centering in the Incarnation (Edinburgh: Andrew Eliot, 1893), 4; quoted in Naugle, Worldview, 8.
[11] Ibid.
[12] James E. McGoldrick, Abraham Kuyper: God�s Renaissance Man (Auburn: Evangelical Press, 2000), 11.
[13] It was once remarked of him that it was as if he had �ten heads and a hundred hands� (John Hendrick de Vries, biographical note to Kuyper, Lectures on Calvinism, iii).
[14] The fact that none of the biographies of him consulted for this paper made mention of how many children he had perhaps indicates the level of importance which Kuyper ascribed them.
[15] For example, de Vries, Lectures on Calvinism, ii: �It was by his almost superhuman labors, no less than by his strength and nobility of character, that he left �footprints on the sands of time� with such indelible clearness, that in 1907, when his seventieth birthday was made the occasion of a national celebration, it was said: �The history of The Netherlands, in Church, in State, in Society, in Press, in School, and in the Sciences of the last forty years, cannot be written without the mention of his name on almost every page, during this period the biography of Dr. Kuyper is to a considerable extent the history of the Netherlands.��
[16] James D. Bratt, �Abraham Kuyper: Puritan, Victorian, Modern,� in Religion, Pluralism and Public Life: Abraham Kuyper�s Legacy for the Twenty-First Century, ed. Luis E. Lugo (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2000), 6.
[17] Kuyper quoted in de Vries, Lectures on Calvinism, iii.
[18] See Peter S. Heslam, Creating a Christian Worldview: Abraham Kuyper�s Lectures on Calvinism (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans; Carlisle: Paternoster, 1998), 96-111.
[19] Abraham Kuyper quoted in R. D. Henderson, �How Abraham Kuyper Became a Kuyperian,� Christian Scholars Review 22, no. 1 (1992): 31.
[20] Abraham Kuyper, Confidentie: schrijven aan den weled. Heer J. H. van der Linden (Amsterdam: H�veker, 1873); quoted in Heslam, Christian Worldview, 33-34 (Kuyper�s emphasis).
[21] Henderson, �How Kuyper Became Kuyperian,� 34.
[22] Heslam, Christian Worldview, 92.
[23] It should be noted at this point that Kuyper defined Calvinism rather broadly, tracing it back to Augustine and Paul�s letter to the Romans, thinking of it as the highest expression of Christianity. See Lectures on Calvinism, 33-34.
[24] See Abraham Kuyper, �Calvinism: Source and Stronghold of Our Constitutional Liberties (1874),� trans. Reinder Bruinsma, in Abraham Kuyper: A Centennial Reader, ed. James D. Bratt (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans; Carlisle: Paternoster, 1998), 279-317. Kuyper would echo this in Lectures on Calvinism, 14-15.
[25] Jan De Bruijn, �Calvinism and Romanticism: Abraham Kuyper as a Calvinist Politician,� in Religion, Pluralism and Public Life, 52.
[26] Abraham Kuyper, �Sphere Sovereignty (1880),� trans. George Kamp in Centennial Reader, 467-8.
[27] Ibid, 488.
[28] Ibid, 468.
[29] Abraham Kuyper, Principles of Sacred Theology, trans. J. Hendrik de Vries, introduction by Benjamin B. Warfield (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1980), 154; quoted in Naugle, Worldview, 21-22.
[30] �Two life systems are wrestling with one another, in mortal combat� (Kuyper, Lectures on Calvinism, 11).
[31] For full discussion of the similarities between Orr and Kuyper see Heslam, Christian Worldview, 92-95.
[32] Kuyper, Lectures on Calvinism, 12.
[33] Ibid., 10.
[34] For a listing of thinkers and institutions influenced by Kuyperian thought see Heslam, Christian Worldview, 5-8.

Post-Exam Fragment

2007-04-12T12:30:00.000-07:00

Twenty minutes ago I put a final period at the end of the final exam of my first year at Regent College. Hard to believe that a year can go by so quickly, how time seems to dance by so effortlessly. And how in contrast to this, I seem to plod my way through, sometimes I can put a skip in a step, sometimes the next step demands great effort. It has been a great year and it has been a difficult year. I've never been challenged so much before: intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, relationally. As I sit here and catch my breath, I wonder at how far I've come and at whether I've even really moved at all, whether my struggles this year have really amounted to anything....

He is Coming!

2007-03-31T10:39:00.000-07:00

Last night the Regent Gospel Choir, of which I am a part, had their final performance. For those who don't know, the Regent Gospel Choir was formed by this fellow named Ben Keyes who came to Regent to do an arts thesis on gospel music. Because you can't just write gospel music, but must perform it, Ben formed the Regent Gospel Choir to perform his songs. Last night was the final presentation of his thesis and let me tell you the Spirit was in the house. In a way I don't know why I'm blogging about this because the experience really can't be put into words. You really have to hear the CD (yes, the night was recorded). Ben is perhaps one of the most talented people I have ever been close to. When he sits at the piano, its like the piano becomes a part of him. And his songs, lyrically and musically, are astoundingly good. All his songs are full of this tension between suffering and hope, between this life and the life to come, between sin and grace. Hopefully I can share the recording of the evening with some of you some time.
I thought I would try to describe one of my favourite parts of one of my favourite songs. The song is called "I will wait on the Lord". After singing verse and chorus a few times we come to this vamp (if you don't know what a vamp is, I don't know how to describe it, so you'll have to look it up). It begins with the bass section singing this deep consistent "I will wait, I will wait, I will wait on the Lord." They repeat this and continue to repeat it when the tenors come with this high, urgent proclamation "He is Coming! He is Coming!". They repeat this and continue repeating when the alto come in with "Help me to wait on the Lord." And they repeat this and continue repeating when the sopranos come in with this beautiful melodic line "He is here. He has always been by your side." And every one keeps repeating and building. So you get this juxtaposition of these different seemingly contractory but true phrases repeated on top of eachother and building.
"I will wait, I will wait, I will wait on the Lord."
"......He is....Coming!......He is....Coming!"
"......Help me to wait on the Lord......"
"He is here! He has always been by your side."
After repeating this a few times, the band cuts out and it just voices and clapping....
You really have to hear it. But it just brings tears to the eyes. Really. That vamp actually sums up my year pretty nicely. I feel like I've done a lot of waiting this year. Not by choice and certainly not patiently. But have been forced to wait on the Lord. Waiting for him to reveal himself. Waiting for a lot of things in my life which don't make sense right now to make sense. And then to hear that He is here, He has always been by my side....

Just in case you're concerned that I have become too high-brow with the last post...

2007-03-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

I had a thought on the bus this morning: if something is both brown and round, we should call it bround. But then I thought: is there anything else in the world that this word describes other than cow pies?

Dostoevsky

2007-03-05T13:24:00.000-08:00

There's this class I'm taking right now called Christian Thought and Culture (often shorted to CTC, but acronyms make me uncomfortable). As is typical with courses here at Regent College, there is a large amount of reading to do. But the great part about this class is that every student is allowed to read 400 pages of basically anything they like (as related to the course, of course). So as part of this 400 pages I decided to pick up and read The Brothers Karamazov by everyone's favourite Russian, Fyodor Dostoevsky. I read book five of the Book, which is entitled "Pro and Contra" and is perhaps the most brilliant chapter of any book ever written. Perhaps. It contains the infamous episode in which Alyosha meets with his older, philosophically bent brother Ivan at a restaurant and over a bowl of fish soup Ivan tells a poem he made up about "The Grand Inquisitor." I won't get into all the details of the conversation (you can and probably should read it for yourself), but there is one statement by Ivan which hit me and got me thinking and which may or may not get you thinking. If nothing else this is a beautiful, if tragic, bit of, well, I don't know the word for it. Just listen.

I'm convinced like a child that the wounds will heal and their traces will fade away, that all the offensive and comical spectacle of human contradictions will vanish like a pitiful mirage, like a horrible and odious invention of the feeble and infinitely puny Euclidean mind of man, and that in the world's finale, at the moment of eternal harmony, something so precious will happen and come to pass that it will suffice for all hearts, that it will allay all bitter resentments, that it will atone for all men's crimes, all the blood they have shed. It will suffice not only for the forgiveness but also for the justification of everything that has ever happened to men. Well, let it, let it all be and come to pass, but I don't accept it and I won't accept it! Let even the parallel lines meet and let me see them meet, myself - I shall see and I shall say that they've met, but I still won't accept it. That is the heart of the matter, so far as I'm concerned, Alyosha. That is where I stand.

What a hopeless statement. And yet some days I come to the same conclusion. I've had the education. I know all about God's creation of this wonderful universe. I know about Christ's death on the cross what that means. I know that he will come again in glory to judge and to fully renew the cosmos. This all I know. But some days I just don't feel like accepting it. It may all be true, in fact, I'm pretty sure it is, but sometimes I just feel like saying, "So what?" Intellectually it's all very real. Its all been explained and proved and whatnot else. But can I accept it? Perhaps I'm just too obstinate and rebellious, too proud to accept even the greatest of all gifts. Why? I don't know. Its just this sense, this mood which broods deep down inside me and which sometimes breaks the surface of my consciousness. Can I accept all that God has done and will do? Or do I refuse and proceed on my own.
Here I seem to have stumbled upon that which can finally separate us from God. Proud obstinacy which simply refuses all that is good in exchange for, well, me, I guess. This seems to be C. S. Lewis's conclusion in The Great Divorce. He describes Napolean living light years away from any hope for life, so obsessed with his own self to the exclusion of all others and to the Other. I guess this is why humility is so profoundly important in our ascent to God. That we open ourselves to the good which does not come from our own action. For it was humility which kept silent the twelve as the Son of God stooped to wash their feet. Some days we just need to sit silently and allow Christ to wash us. To accept his humble action in humility...

Whistler

2007-03-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

Reading break. Whistler. Condo with a fireplace and views of the clouds which covered the mountains. Walking distance to the best skiing in the world. Hanging out with friends. Eating amazing food around a dinner table, like a real family. Not getting any work done. Does it get any better than that?
Yes, some of you may know that I went up to Whistler for a few days over Reading Break. It was a great week. I skied for the first time since a Grade 9 trip to Frostfire in North Dakota. Almost ten years ago! Makes me feel old. I really enjoyed skiing. For not having done it in so long I think I picked it up pretty quick and before long was carving up the slopes like I was born to do it. OK, that's an exageration, but that's what it felt like. There's something about skiing that just makes you feel, I don't know, like a superhero or something. The cold wind in the face. The mountain peaks gazing down on you. The speed. Maybe that's why I like skating so much. The cold wind in the face. The legs pumping. The speed in the cold. Maybe that's it. There's something inside me which becomes extremely alive when I'm moving quickly through cold air. That's why I'm tempted to get a season pass for Whistler come next winter.
I should also add that I did have a number of nice wipe outs, including one as I came to the bottom of the hill at the end of the day. Also had a couple yard sales.
I should get some pictures to post on here. Stay tuned maybe I'll put some up in the next day or so.

A Rainforest Holding On Resolutely To The Colour Green and A Secret Land With Very Comfortable Chairs

2007-02-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Hello gracious readership,
It has been some time since I actually wrote something that wasn't either a quote or an angst ridden blathering, so perhaps I should just talk about somethings which have been significant in this life o' mine.
Last week Thursday I walked to school for the first time. It takes about an hour, but it is a pleasant hour. The only thing separating my house from the Regent campus is a large west coast rainforest which, I was surprised to find out, holds on resolutely to the colour green, even on February 1st. So through the woods and forest glades I wandered, and heard the birds sing sweetly in the trees. There was no looking down from lofty mountain grandeur but my sentiment remained: "My God! How Great Thou Art." When I left the house that morning a thick fog hung just over the rooftops and slipped in and out of the tree tops. As the sun began to rise, the fog thinned and became shot through with sunlight. Why can't all days begin this way?
Also last week the new Regent Library opened. It is where I currently find myself and have often found myself lately. It is a wonderful place. Under the ground it is, so that we students feel like ants or rabbits scurrying about our work in a secret land as the rest of the world walks idly on. A secret land with very comfortable chairs. Chairs conducive to speed reading the Church Fathers. In the two hours before I plunked myself down here I rattled off 40 pages of the mystical writings of Gregory of Nyssa, the great Cappadocian Father, a giant in early Eastern Orthodox theology. What it was about? Haven't a clue. But I have to read 50 more pages of him and 50 more of some other dude and write responses for both before going to sleep tonight. So. Doesn't sound so impressive anymore. In fact, I should get out of here. Go home. Eat something. Then read, read, read, watch Seinfeld, and read some more. And then write. And then sleep.
And there you have it. Good night.

Where I've Been

2007-01-29T12:43:00.000-08:00

I have been busy, sick, stressed out, happy, sad, depressed, overjoyed, hopelessly short on money, researching the eschatology of John Calvin, walking the beach, tired, eating and drinking and sometimes making merry, and most of all on the couch, in the coffee shop, at the library reading, reading, and humming hymns on the way to the bus stop. In short, I've been alive.
Thanks for your concern.

All is Calm, All is Bright

2006-12-25T18:51:00.000-08:00

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly hosts praising God, and saying:

Ere zij God in den hoge!
Vrede op aarde,
In de mensen
Een welbehagen.

Merry Christmas everyone

Things observed from the back of a Winnipeg Transit bus

2006-12-21T21:16:00.000-08:00

OK, I don't know what it is about Winnipeg Transit buses, but there just seems to be more interesting things happening on them compared to their Vancouver counterparts. Perhaps this is because in Winnipeg I get to sit in the back and observe; in Vancouver I always end up squished in the one square foot space left by the front door...or maybe its all because the good people of Winnipeg are just plain more interesting. Anyways....
------------
Two mornings in a row this otherwise normal seeming middle-aged man gets off the bus at the legislature with his right boot halfway on, halfway off. Like he left the house in a rush that morning and didn't have the time to put it on properly. He steps off, and proceeds with purpose in a straight line to his destination, through the snow, heedless of the beaten path just off to his side, with his right boot halfway on, halfway off and the cuff of his pantleg resting wrinkled upon the top. Two mornings, two new paths through the snow. Perhaps it will all be beaten down by the end of the winter. Beaten down by this man with his right boot halfway on, halfway off and the cuff of his pantleg resting wrinkled upon the top.

Christmas Reflection Courtesy of St. Augustine

2006-12-17T22:03:00.000-08:00

In honour of the season, a wonderful, imagery-laden quote from our good friend St. Augustine. It's worth a few reads.

The Word of the Father,
by whom all the cycles of time was made,
when he was made flesh,
caused the day of his birth to take place in time,
and in this human genesis willed to have one day,
when no day opens without His divine command.

With the Father He precedes all the ages of the world,
by the Mother He set Himself on this day
in the courses of the years.

The Maker of man was made man,
that the Ruler of the stars might suck at the breast;
that the Bread might be hungered;
the Fountain, thirst;
the Light, sleep;
the Way be wearied by the journey;
the Truth be accused by false witnesses;
the Judge of the living and the dead be judged by a mortal judge;
the Chastener be chastised with whips;
the Vine be crowned with thorns;
the Foundation be hung upon the tree;
Strength be made weak;
Health be wounded;
Life die...

He who was before all the ages,
without any beginning of days, Son of God,
deigned in these days just past to be the Son of man;
and He who was begotten of the Father,
not made by the Father,
was 'made' in the mother whom He had made;
that here and now He might spring from Her,
who except through Him could no-when and no-where have been.

- St. Augustine
Sermon CXCI (on Christmas)

Connection

2006-12-08T15:53:00.001-08:00

Paper writing: I love it and I hate it. I hate how it takes so long to take an idea you have fully intact and perfect in your head and shoehorn it into the limited vocabulary you have from staying up late reading the dictionary. Writing essays is like wrestling for me. I wrestle this idea into 10 pages of prose.
I just handed an essay on the relationship between Pope Gregory VII and King William the Conqueror of England. Don't worry, I can see you staring at your computer screen and tilting your head and saying "hm" in sympathetic interest. That's been the typical response. Its an odd topic I'll admit. I came attracted to it because in general I love historical connection. Sure it's nice to have all these random facts in your head, but when you can connect things together like Christmas cards on a string above the mantle, it's beautiful.
What comes to mind when you think of 11th century Europe? Probably not much. What about the year 1066? If you grew up in the Commonwealth you should know that this is the date of the Battle of Hastings, the Norman Conquest, King Harold getting shot in the eye, King William taking the throne in the last successful military invasion of the England. What else? Well, the Church had gone to shit, priests were getting married, holy things were being bought and sold like used cars, hardly the kingdom of God. But along comes a number of pious popes who wanted to change that and so we get the papal reforms. Their solution to the problems in the church? Stop people from doing bad things. How were going to do that? By having more authority. If only the word of the pope would be obeyed lickety-split, there'd be no problems. The problem was that this other group of fellows, let's call them 'kings', because that's what they were, weren't too quick to take orders from a pope and so there's this big controversy, all of a sudden you have three guys claiming to pope, yadda yadda yadda.
So my question: how did these two events converge? I basically threw them at each other and saw where the sparks flew and started writing. Turns out William helped the papal agenda along rather nicely. They got on relatively well. William helped the papacy bring about reform and the papacy helped William assert his rule over the English he didn't slaughter. That's about it.
Until you look further and you see that here we have England and the pope getting along nicely, but in 500 years with old Henk #8 things changed.
So that is when history gets fun for myself. When you begin to string the lines from one event to another across geography, across time.
If anyone actually wants to read my paper, let me know I'll send you a copy. (...crickets...tumbleweed...)
As for me, I have library books to return.

This Is My Father's World

2006-11-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

If you've been watching the news lately you may have seen that Vancouver got a huge dump of snow the past couple days. It has really made the city quite beautiful the way the snow just hangs on every twig and leaf of every tree. A winter wonderland if there ever was one. This morning I went for a walk in my local rainforest and it was like Narnia, all enchanted and silent. It was one of those experiences you just want to bundle up and put in your pocket but at the same time something powerful and awesome you just want to leave free to prance and blow as it wills.
The power went out at my house around 8 o'clock this morning. Odd how that happens. One moment the lights are lighting, the fridge is refrigerating, the clocks are keeping time, the TV's entertaining, the computer's computing; the next: nothing. Silence. Peace. It's like God finally hit the snooze bar.
But after a few hours you start to get a bit uneasy. You hit light switches unconsciously and are shocked when nothing happens. I'm so used to pushing power buttons and having devices respond accordingly and instantly. The temperature starts going down. Will the power ever be restored?
So KC and I spent the afternoon at a crowded Starbucks with power. But night descended and begged the question: Has the power been restored? The whole neighbourhood was dark. As we walked from the bus stop to our house it was one of the most eerie feelings. Houses and streets and no lights. In a few houses you could see candlelight or firelight. There's something very welcoming and homey about that light. But it was like the apocalypse had just come down. It was a strange world. Quiet. A wonderful and terrifying quiet. We lit our gloomy basement with tea lights and had a cigarette outside. It all caused me to reflect on whether I could live without electricity and if perhaps one day we will have to. Would I be able to survive?
The power came back on around 8 o'clock in the evening and the buzzes and the whirls resumed their monotone song as if nothing had happened. But those twelve hours of perfect, whole silence made me wonder and look forward to a new world, covered in silent white, where the only noises are the crunch of snow, the muffled voice of a friend and the warm crackle of fire.

This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world, the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world: He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world, should my heart be ever sad?
The lord is King—let the heavens ring. God reigns—let the earth be glad.
This is my Father’s world. Now closer to Heaven bound,
For dear to God is the earth Christ trod.
No place but is holy ground.

This is my Father’s world. I walk a desert lone.
In a bush ablaze to my wondering gaze God makes His glory known.
This is my Father’s world, a wanderer I may roam
Whate’er my lot, it matters not,
My heart is still at home.

Maltie D. Babcock, 1901

Paper Done....Let's Go Drinking!!

2006-11-10T16:25:00.000-08:00

It has been some time since I last just posted something about life. I just finished my first significant research paper of my Regent career. The last two days I have been locked in my room in front of my laptop, wrestling my topic into 1500 words. It's not very good but at least its out of the way and now I know for later how not to go about writing a paper. Its been a while since I've written one and I'm afraid to say I'm somewhat rusty. The paper was only five pages. Apparently I wrote it on the Iona monastery and its place in history of Christianity. My problem is that I'm so used to writing history papers that even when I'm not supposed to write a history paper I end up writing a history paper. As a result of this I feel that I get too hung up on details of events and then explaining these details soon take up my alloted amount of words. Well how do you say anything of substance in five pages anyways. Hopefully whoever's marking my paper is in a good mood and doesn't know much about Iona. That always helps, I find.

Dried Glue in the Mouth

2006-10-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

If you sleep the entire night with your mouth open, then when you wake up it feels like your mouth is filled with dried white glue. I found that out this morning.

Quote of the Week

2006-10-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

(Yes, I know two in one day. Chesterton. Enough said.)
The simplest truth about man is that he is a very strange being; almost in the sense of being a stranger on the earth. In all sobriety, he has much more of the external appearance of one bringing alien habits from another land than of a mere growth of this one. He has an unfair advantage and an unfair disadvantage. he cannot sleep in his own skin; he cannot trust his own instincts. He is at once a creator moving miraculous hands and fingers and a kind of cripple. He is wrapped in artificial bandages called clothes; he is propped on artificial crutches called furniture. His mind has the same doubtful liberties and the same wild limitations. Alone among the animals, he is shaken with the beautiful madness called laughter; as if he had caught sight of some secret in the very shape of the universe hidden from the universe itself. Alone among the animals he feels the need of averting his thought from the root realities of his own bodily being; of hiding them as in the presence of some higher possibility which creates the mystery of shame. Whether we praise these things as natural to man or abuse them as artificial in nature, they remain in the same sense unique. This is realised by the whole popular instinct called religion.

G. K. Chesterton
from The Everlasting Man

Quote of the Week

2006-10-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. The other is to walk round the whole world till we come back to the same place.

G. K. Chesterton
the opening line of The Everlasting Man

CRC

2006-10-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday for the first time since I moved to Vancouver I attended a CRC church. My buddy Brian and his wife Candice invited me. Its way on the other side of the city. We got there late. But the way that people looked at us when we marched down the aisle escorted by an usher to the seat usually occupied by some old matriarch of the church who happened to be away made me feel at home. There is just something about the CRC--the way the worship team leads, the way people modestly put their offering envelopes into the plate, the way that the kid who read Scripture read Scripture, the way that everyone exited the sanctuary afterwards and, after shaking hands with the domine, filed into the fellowship hall--which is just like a good pair of socks on a cold damp morning. I felt refreshingly at home and comfortable.

Quote of the Week

2006-10-03T19:06:00.000-07:00

I turned to Alypius and cried out: 'What is wrong with us? What is this that you have heard? Uneducated people are rising up and capturing heaven, and we with our high culture without any heart--see where we roll in the mud of flesh and blood. Is it because they are ahead of us that we are ashamed to follow? Do we feel no shame at making not even an attempt to follow?'

- Augustine of Hippo
from Confessions (where else?)

Elevators

2006-10-01T19:52:00.000-07:00

The other night I got stuck in an elevator.
Why was I in the elevator when I was only going down 4 floors? Should have taken the stairs.
Stuck for half an hour. Along with KC, Arthur, Julie, Richard, Jan, Lesslie-Ann, some lady from the UK, and Johnny, the 125 pound Great Perenese dog--the hugest dog I've ever met.
We glided to a stop a foot and a half below the second floor.
Pushed that little telephone button. Figured we would get put through to the elevator technician who should have lived on the second floor. Instead we get this call centre who knows where. Toronto probably. Hope the elevator didn't get charged the long distance.
Tried my best MacGyver resourcefulness. Couldn't unstuck. I honestly don't think MacGyver would have been able to bust out of that elevator. It was shut solid. There wasn't even that panel on the ceiling which is always so easy to punch out. No secret lever anywhere.
Annoying how impossible it was to get out of that thing. Seems to be symptomatic of Western society, can't fix anything yourself, can't trust anyone with potentially useful things.
We were in there for a long time. Got so stuffy. The four halogen lights in the impenetrable ceiling didn't help things.
In the meantime Richard told us a story of how he got hit by a 3/4 tonne pickup and walked away with only a concussion.
In the end we tricked the elevator into letting us out. Afterwards we ate dessert and talked theology.

Happy Birthday to Jim

2006-09-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday I got to sing happy birthday to and eat birthday cake with J. I. Packer. Yup. Thought that was worthy of a post. He turned 80 this summer, so we had a belated celebration with him.

He preached at Regent's weekly chapel service. He surprised me. I mean, he's really old, slightly hunched over, very deliberate in his movements. But he sprang up there and just started rolling with this quick wit that had the whole place in stitches. I mean, he's a very funny man. Not something you'd expect from a legendary theologian. And then I find out that he loves hiking. Hiking, not mall-walking, or even street walking, hiking through the woods over rocks and around trees and through the mud. So Jim Packer: author of "Knowing God", one of the 25 most influential evangelicals according to Time magazine, old man, hiker and comedian. What next? Does Eugene Petersen knit and stutter? Stay tuned...

And did I mention that Jim is my neighbour? Well he is.

As per Mel's Request (see comment on previous post): Some Observations of Bus Riders in Vancouver (none of them good)

2006-09-18T11:43:00.000-07:00

Vancouver busriders need to have a lesson on proper bus etiquette. The phrase, "please, move to the back of the bus," doesn't seem to make sense to them. They just look around, look back at the vast empty space between them and the back of the bus, then ahead at the crowd of people trying to squish their way on, then shrug and continue not moving to the back of the bus. What then happens is that buses 'fill up' rather quickly. And so for me, trying to catch the bus toward the end of the route, there is never any room in the buses. Of course there would be if people knew how to properly load a bus. And so I stand at the stop along with a host of other patient persons, and watch as bus after bus after bus flies by unable to pick us up. Needless to say, that gets rather frustrating after a while.
On a brighter note, the seats in Vancouver buses are much more comfy than Winnipeg buses. The bus seats here actually have cushions on them, nice thick ones. I could ride the bus for hours, if I could ever get on one...

Quote of the Week

2006-09-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

The heavenly treasuries are indeed great: God cannot be measured in the heart, and he is incomprehensible in the mind; he who holds the earth in the hollow of his hand. Who perceives the measure of his right hand? Who knows his finger? Or who understands his hand - that hand which measures immensity; that hand which, by its own measure, spreads out the measure of the heavens, and which holds in its hollow the earth with the abysses; which contains in itself the breadth, and the length, and the deep below, and the height above the whole creation; which is seen, which is heard and understood, and which is invisible? And for this reason God is 'above all principality, and power, and dominion, and every name that is named', of all things which have been created and established. He it is who fills the heavens, and views the abysses, who is also present with every one of us.

- Irenaeus of Lyon
from Against Heresies

Greek to me

2006-09-14T12:47:00.000-07:00

Alpha
Beta
Gamma
Delta
Epsilon
Zeta
Eta
Theta
Iota
Kappa
Lambda
Mu
Nu
Xi
Omicron
Pi
Rho
Sigma
Tau
Upsilon
Phi
Chi
Psi
Omega

There you have it. The Greek alphabet. Memorized by yours truly in the wee hours of Tuesday night. Who rules? I do.

Matthew. Winnipeg. MCS.

2006-09-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

So here I am in Vancouver. I feel like I need to write some profound blog about the metaphysics of significant change. So I haven't blogged for a long while, waiting for divine revelation or something. I still haven't been struck by lightning so I figured I should just blog and get it out of the way and let life continue as usual.
This past week has been full of introductions. The repetition of three questions:
"What is you name?"
"Where are you from?"
"What program are you in?"
No one actually listening or really caring, but needing to say something and desperately trying to make a good first impression. I hate it. But I guess we have to do it. How else do you insert yourself into a new society of people? You ask and answer the superficial questions just to make contact of some kind. The meaningful meetings will come eventually. For now we make do.

Quote(s) of a couple weeks ago

2006-08-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

(Sorry, I've been rather busy of late. I had in mind to post these two quotes from kids at camp when I was there a couple weeks ago, but haven't had time, until this moment)

"I taste like pop!"

- Madeline Bruinooge
after having a pop fight during tuck

"Dear Jesus. Thank you that Dave didn't crap his pants and that it didn't run all over the floor. Amen."

-Brandon

Yup, I'm bored...and a dork

2006-08-11T18:12:00.000-07:00

One of my claims to fame is that I can list the kings and queens of England/Britain in chronogical order from William the Conqueror to Elizabeth II, currently with a 100 year gap in the middle (but I'm working on slimming it). And because I don't have anything else to do (that's a lie: don't feel like doing anything productive) I will list them here for your enlightenment (off the top of my head):

William I (the Conqueror)
William II
Henry I
Stephen
Henry II
Richard I
John
Henry III
Edward I (the Longshanks)
Edward II
Edward III
...gap (I do know that there were 3 Henrys, 2 Richards and 2 Edwards, but the order is unknown)...
Henry VII
Henry VIII (and his 6 wives: Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard, and Catherine Parr)
Edward VI
(Bloody) Mary I
Elizabeth I
James I
Charles I
Interregnum (12 years of no king, after Charles lost his head)
Charles II
James II
William III (of Orange) & Mary II
Anne
George I
George II
George III
George IV
William IV
Victoria
Edward VII
George V
Edward VIII
George VI
Elizabeth II
(Charles III)
(William V)

If you would also like to memorize the British monarchs, as I'm sure you all are, I have inserted a link to the monarchy's website to the right of this very post (in the sidebar that is).

Reflections at the Midpoint

2006-08-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

"Wherever you are, there is vice and wickedness," said Pierre to his wife. (War and Peace, pg. 678)

693 is half of 1386. 1386 is the amount of pages in the book I am currently reading. Page 693 has been passed and I am now therefore past the half way point in this world of a novel. Page 693 also coincides, well almost, with the climax of the book, or at least the climax so far. For some reason I'm like a football coach at halftime, asked by a reporter to assess how the game is going so far and what adjustments I'm going to make for the second half. Well, sort of.
It is going well I should say. It is a world of a novel because Tolstoy literally creates a world (I use the word "literally" in the Vaudrian [see below] sense) which you become a part of whether you are conscious of it or not. But it is not a world like the world of Lord of the Rings with maps and topographical descriptions you can smell as you read, with characters you wish existed. No, the world of War and Peace is a world of people like you and I and as you read their persons come alive in your mind. They come alive in such a way that if the person actually climbed out of the novel and shook your hand, you would immediate recognise them and wonder if you hadn't met them before. They come alive in such a way that when the novel is done, when the reading is done, you feel as if their lives should continue on and that you should someday recall a character and think to yourself, "I wonder what ever happened to that fellow?"
And so I continue on. I try to keep a balance between wanting to finish and wanting to enjoy every step and looking around as I read to take it all in. That's the tricky part about climbing a mountain: to keep one eye on the summit and the other on the ground you're walking on.
---------------
The word "Vaudrian" refers to Dr. Richard W. Vaudry, my history professor at King's. He is widely known for his constant and improper use of the word "literally", to the extent that it has literally lost all meaning whatsoever. A couple quick examples: "When Henry VIII first set eyes on Anne Boleyn, his heart literally melted" or "William Ewart Gladstone literally ruled Parliament with an iron fist".

Shirt and Tie

2006-08-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

(If you came here to read the quote of the week and not my self-indulgent mental meanderings, scroll down. It's there...)

I hate making decisions. Today I had to buy a shirt and tie for an upcoming formal occasion. Sounds easy enough, right? Why are there so many colours? And how does the world expect me to know what colour looks good with another? Its too much. When I left my home this morning I did not prepare myself for having to pick one tie out of nine hundred. I don't know. Sure yeah, lets go with that one. Nope, doesn't bring out the right tone. What's tone mean? Beyond me. I think I would have committed an attiral atrocity had I not had a two wise and good looking advisers with me (namely, Shauna and the nice lady at TipTop) to select from the wall o' shirts and the table o' ties two items which look positively smashing. You see, decisions are easier to make when others make them for you and all you have to do is nod your head, "Absolutely, definitely brings out the right tone. And might I also add that the movement in the shirt plays very well with the voice of the jacket."
But then there are some decisions that life demands of you which you just have to make on your own. Those are the ones I hate the most. Because what if you make the wrong one? It makes it even harder when you have to choose between good and good. I've had a couple of those in the past little while. Go with the greater good, right? But define greater good. I just feel like you can list the pros and cons of any decision and make a rational choice based on those and still come out not quite as good as you could have. Because sometimes the best choices we can make are the ones which make such little sense at the time. Sometimes rationality doesn't know what she's talking about. Seems to me that the rational choice is to bury the talent in the ground.
We try as much as we can to follow the Will of God, but how do we know for sure? I've tried praying about things, but then it seems to me that God is not there just so we can go through life and never make a wrong decision. If the goal of living is to grow (according to e. e., that is) and the best way to grow is to make a few bad choices every once in a while then maybe bad choices are the will of God. Perhaps that's when God truly shows up.
And yet we can't go through life making bad decisions willy-nilly just expecting God to be there every time. He gave us brains to figure some of these things out on our own. And gave us community so that we can ask people for wise counsel.
Doesn't make things any easier though!

Quote of the Week

2006-08-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

It is one thing to describe an interview with a gorgon or a griffin, a creature who does not exist. It is another thing to discover that the rhinocerous does exist and then take pleasure in the fact that he looks as if he didn't.

- G. K. Chesterton
from Orthodoxy

Quote of the Week

2006-08-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

(Welcome to the newest feature of this blog. There are so many great quotes out there. Many of them play around in my head for days on end and give me real spiritual, intellectual, emotional nourishment. They make me think, or laugh, or cry, or go crazy. So I figured, why not share these with my faithful readership? I've optimistically called this "Quote of the Week" but if it slowly deteriorates into "Quote of the Bi-Week", "Quote of the Month", "Quote of the not sure when I did this last", "Quote of the oh, screw it already!" I hope you will understand. Enjoy. Think. Ponder. Laugh. Weep. Sing. Go crazy.)

----------------

Everybody wants to go to heaven,
But nobody wants to die.

- Loretta Lynn
from "Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven"
(covered by David Crowder on "A Collision"
which I am listening to right now)

Why me and my digestive tract are no longer friends

2006-08-03T17:08:00.000-07:00

So I went to the doctor the other day. News is not good. I had the sneaky suspicion that I have an intestinal aversion to dairy products. He confirmed that that was probably true and that for the rest of my life my cereal will have to be accompanied by soy milk or worse, goat milk. And no more ice cream. Sundaes and parfaits and blizzards and waffle cones, thanks, it was good. I'll miss you all.
If only that was it. The good doctor suggested my stomach might also have a thing against gluten. The one thing I didn't want my stomach to have a thing against. So I'm currently testing out his theory, trying not to eat bread. And I think he might be right. Damn doctors. How, I ask, am I to survive without bread? No more peanut butter and jam sandwiches? I live off peanut butter and jam sandwiches. I eat them for my supper and I eat them for my lunch. If I had a hundred sandwiches I would eat them all at once!
So looks like no more ice cream and no more sandwiches for me. Curses.
At least this has given me occasion to get reaquainted with fruit in all its various forms.
(OK, confession time: I'm writing this while at work. So I'm sitting in the music department and this girl steps up to one of the listening stations, selects a CD and proceeds to sing very loudly and very, very out of tune. I'm trying my best not to laugh.)
So in the end, even though my dietary lifestyle is crumbling before my eyes, I can still laugh at stupid children...

All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.

- Julian of Norwich

Thoughts while in Sara's living room hanging out with a few friends

2006-07-27T19:30:00.000-07:00

So the title is quite a fact right now. Everyone is eating ice cream. I am not. Doctor told me not to so probably a good idea to abstain. Sara did make me a cup of coffee though, so I am not completely deprived. She uses Folger's. I'm not quite sure about that. I'm pretty stuck on Tim Horton's. Somehow the whole world of Maxwell House, Folgers, etc, I'm just not sure. Anything you can buy in a huge can for $4.99 I just don't trust. Tim Horton's will do. When I get enough money I would like to graduate up to Kicking Horse whole bean coffee. Pure pleasure in a steaming cup. Need a coffee grinder first.
We went out for supper this evening to celebrate Sara finally being fully certified to teach in the Province of Manitoba. Just needed that Latin American history course. Essential for teaching grade 5.
These are great cookies.
We are just discussing the finer points of blogging. Or maybe it's bloging. Not sure if its a soft "G". Basically all you do is just write. It's great.
We came here to play Settlers. We're still sitting here in the living room. I think this gettogether needs some directing.
"Fussily" - Margaret just said "fussily". Good word. Just thought that was worth noting.
About that Settlers game.....

Moving (Pt. 4)

2006-07-18T11:34:00.000-07:00

The new house has been moved into. The old house has been wept over. I think I'll be alright.

Moving (Pt. 3)

2006-07-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting here listening to some good, depressing music, still trying to get a handle on this whole moving thing. I was just sitting in the living room reading War and Peace, knowing that it would probably be the last time I ever get to sit by that window in that living room. I'm something of a sentimentalist, if you haven't figured that out yet. It all gets more amplified when it doesn't seem like anyone else cares. I want moving out to be something of a ceremony, a sacrament even. Everyone else just seems to think of it as just moving, what's the big deal?
I've been wanting to have a good weep over the whole thing, but it hasn't come yet. Damn manhood.
As I sat in the living room I got to thinking that leaving the house behind is like breaking up with a girl. Things will never be the same between the two of us. I'll never get those glimpses inside. I'll see her around, but it will be awkward. I knew her for so long, but now she seems such a stranger. She's seeing someone else now, so am I, but the memories haunt the both of us. Or at least me. Will she even remember me? Jilted. We're both jilted, even though I'm the one who's leaving.
Change like this just makes me too painfully aware of my own human frailty and transience. This house which was just always there, a silent pillar of my life, will no longer be there. 23 years, I just never thought it would end at 23 years. That's it. Seems like such a breath of time. Nothing. But growing up, it was always just there. Never thought it could or would or should end. That just never enters your head. This is home. Home doesn't change. Taken for granted, but in the best way. Trusted. Consistent. Now gone. Something that for 23 years was so real, will soon enough fade to faint memory. I'll forget the creaks. Forget which switch turned on which light. Forget the loose patio stone. Forget the nights shovelling snow, so much snow. Mornings on the patio with birds and squirrels.
As long as we had this house my childhood lived on. Lived on in the place, the land, the small piece of land on McIvor Ave. where I grew up. Learned to walk, bike, read, drink beer and coffee. Ran to from the school bus. My childhood lived here was attached to this land. Now it will pass as my memories of the land pass to nothing. And I'm shoved further into adulthood, now with no place to run home to.
But then I say, get a grip. It's just some grass and wood. Doesn't mean anything (like hell it doesn't! WTF). Home is where the heart is (Hallmark bullshit). But I guess it will be the people who make home home, eventually. For now though, I'm (dis)content to feel this loss deep as I can. Let it make me feel like throwing up. Let it make me want to kick something. Let it break me in pieces. I'll get back together eventually, maybe even stronger than before. But not yet.

Moving (Pt. 2)

2006-07-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Before I give the impression that I'm some sort of socially maladjusted tripe who can't handle a little change I feel that I should tell the other side of things. Damn, change is so conflicting. You want to be excited about new things, but don't want to feel like your shitting on what you're leaving behind. I do love our new house. Especially now that the seizure-inducing colour scheme has been painted over. No one can understand why we would want to move out of North Kildonan, like its the New Jerusalem or something. My quick answer is, "Why not?" Ultimately its not my decision but I can't blame my parents for wanting to move out of a place that once was so full of young life and now that us kids are moving on and moving out seems a bit heartbreakingly full of memories and not much else. My sisters and I are starting out new, why shouldn't Mom and Dad. So why not?
I do love the new house. Its great. Its old. The neighbourhood is wonderful. Its peaceful. That's the first thing I notice the second I open my car door. I can hear birds and children and leaves. Its wonderful.
My parents were saying the other day that they feel they are just looking after the house for a while, as if it has a life of its own which we are privileged enough to participate in for a short time. It was built in 1912. It built into a Victorian world. It knows what the world was like before the 20th century made it so bloody. Its been through the two world wars, the Depression, the Sixties, the rise and the fall of communism. We came bearing our belongings in vans and trucks, the first owners most likely used horses. You can tell the place was built in another era by one simple thing: Closets. They are few and small. My new bedroom doesn't even have one. People had less stuff. We have tons of it, can't find room for it all. But all of this is good, makes you think back and gives you some perspective on things. It is possible to live simply...
[I've worked too hard this week and drank too much beer tonight to go on any further...]

Moving

2006-07-07T20:17:00.000-07:00

As most people who have any connection with me and my life know, our family is moving. Moving out of the only house we have ever called home. For the past 30 years 429 McIvor Ave. has been lived in by Bert and Alice van Leeuwen, and eventually Tamara, Robyn and Matthew. This little red house has been quite faithful to us over the years. It's hard to put into words how I feel at this point. I can't help but feel like we're abandoning her after so many years of keeping us sheltered from wind, rain, snow and flood (except for that one time...). She wasn't big, but was always somehow big enough. There's something about home that defies trying to describe it. Was it somehow better than any other person's home? Probably not. But it was my home. C. S. Lewis once wrote that "no man loves his city because it is great, but because it is his."
This house is quite wrapped up in our identity as a family, probably in more ways than we realise, that's what the Bachelor of Art in me says anyways. And so moving is not just some benign, meaningless act. It breaks your heart. It's like mourning the passing of a good friend. Like a funeral in a way. A large part of life has just dropped out of it and you're left feeling a bit empty, lost. The world you knew is no longer and now everything looks strange and unfriendly.
But in the same way, after the funeral, after saying goodbye life moves on in mysterious ways. The empty places get filled again. You slowly get to know the new world, adjust to the new light.
Because, all told, I think this move is a good thing. I love our new house, love the neighbourhood. Love the new paint job. And I look forward to making this new house a home.
So in the end, I think you just have to feel the sorrow. Let it take over when it wants to, shed the tears, but don't wallow in it. Mourn, but look ahead to the new world that might be dawning through the tears.

Transit Mystic IX

2006-06-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Reading on the bus. A great way to pass the time between origin and destination. Also very effective for giving the appearance of disinterested aloofness so important for proper transit posture.
Ever pay attention to what people read on the bus? The unwritten rule to reading on the bus is to read something light and interruptable (stay away from long philosophical treatises. Nothing steals your attention quite like passengers who get on the bus with mullets half way down their backs or eyebrows painted on half way up their foreheads). Mass market paperbacks and newspapers are standard. For the average person anything bigger, longer or heavier is simply unreadable for the long bumpy ride down Henderson Highway.
So you can understand my surprise when, a few months ago, this fellow comes on the bus, sets himself down on one of the sideways benches in the front, opens his briefcase and pulls out a large hardcover commentary on 1 Kings and then proceeds to read it from Portage & Main to Gilmour & Melon Lea. I applaud the effort.
I must confess that I too have trespassed into the realm of atypical transit reading material. This past week I found my nose wedged between the pages of Modern Art and the Death of a Culture by H. R. Rookmaaker. Not exactly Danielle Steele, but a good book for anyone puzzled by the modern art world. Highly recommended, but hard to follow if there is a mullet sitting in front of you.

Perplexing Questions

2006-06-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

To all my fellow liberal arts majors out there...

Easter

2006-04-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in church this morning and I got to thinking that, you know, we aren't really sure what to do with Easter.
Lent we can do. As much as it is sometimes a stretch to give up something or commit more time to reflect on Christ and his passion and all, with a little discipline it can be done, if not at least attempted.
Palm Sunday we can do because its a celebration of a king. Celebrations we can do. We can wave our palm branches and sing "Ride on, King Jesus".
We can do Good Friday because it is all about suffering and darkness and we all know what that's about.
But Easter is something else. Resurrection is something completely outside of anything we can experience or imagine. Discipline, partying, suffering are all things we know and have experienced in the day-to-day. But resurrection we can't seem to wrap our heads around. You see this in the world of art. There are countless depictions of Jesus' passion, his suffering and death. But the resurrected Jesus is a subject seldom portrayed; only the bravest and most skilled artists can pull it off. How does one go about showing with paint and brush someone who has seen death and lived to tell about it? It seems like it will always be either too ordinary or too extraordinary to be convincing.
Redemption we can sometimes get, I'll give us that. We can create paintings and write songs and make movies to show what redemption looks like (that scene at the end of "Shawshank Redemption" where Tim Robbins lifts up his arms to the sky and the rain comes immediately to mind). But redemption is a far cry from bodily resurrection. Redemption, in our world, is never full. Sure the prince will rescue the damsel, but he'll never quite get over his drinking problem. As we leave Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman on the beach, we can't help but think either a) they'll eventually get caught and end up in far deeper shit than they ever were before they escaped (sorry for those who haven't seen it yet...oh wait...haven't seen Shawshank Redemption? Slap yourself for me, then go rent it and watch it...it's brilliant), b) that the time they spent in prison will have had some latent effect on their mental states and sometime later they'll go nuts and start dressing like pirates, or c) (and most likely) both of them will, perhaps sooner, perhaps later, die. In the end after 'happily ever after' we all know death will have the last laugh. But death no more? It's a bottomless mystery.
And so on Easter morning, it just seems awkward to me. We just really aren't quite sure what to do. We extinguished the last light on Good Friday night. And then what? Light it up again? But we know that this is a different kind of light than that which was extinguished. Simply relighting the candle just brings us back to Christmas. Easter is something different. New life is hard to imagine when we are so fully involved in this one. And so Easter remains something of an unknown, as probably it should. It's something we will probably not quite get until we've climbed out of the grave ourselves and heard Jesus say to us, "Take off your grave clothes and Live."

Transit Mystic VIII

2006-03-29T20:14:00.000-08:00

An elderly man steps on the bus. He is wearing a black fedora hat, a tweed overcoat, and brand new black and silver high top basketball shoes.

Transit Mystic VII

2006-03-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

For the first time in months there she is. She gets on at Johnson with her cheekbones and smile. It was those cheekbones that caught me the first time. She sat in front of me and tilted her head just so. She had cucumbers floating in her water and an earthly-coloured scarf in her hair. Graceful and beautiful and mysterious and frightening. Today she stood up at the front. I had crane and strain just to catch glimpses of her. But there was this other guy standing between us. Not just standing, talking. Talking to her. I wonder if he knows why she puts cucumbers in her water. With the sway of the bus her eyes come through, like sunshine through a windy forest.

Transit Mystic VI

2006-03-22T19:51:00.000-08:00

Two bubbooshka-ed old ladies walk very cafefully down the icy sidewalk, clutching the fence, as another scurries across the highway, hailing the bus driver.

Transit Mystic V

2006-03-15T20:47:00.000-08:00

[Yeah I finally had it with my dumb word 'muss'. This segment has now been retitled and renumbered, giving up the Dickensian scheme for one more Virgilesque (or SuperBowlian, if you're feeling irreverent)]

A thought on the nature of my little observances... There's something very spiritual about them I'm finding. I haven't written much of late, mainly because I haven't seen much of late. Not that I haven't seen anything, just haven't been properly listening. That's how it often is between me and God, God being there and pulling off His little stunts and me simply failing to listen to what's going on, sitting there grim-faced and staring at the blurred sidewalk. Some weeks the things I see on the bus could fill a small book, others, especially the ones of late, leave me vacant and slack-jawed. I wish I knew some sort of formula for how to get into the right mode, maybe a pair of glasses that would throw everything into sharp relief. But I haven't found it. How this is all spiritual I don't really know if I can explain properly. I think there is something spiritual about being conscious of your surroundings and the people around you. There's definitely something spiritual about breaking into a deep breasted James Earl Jones-like chuckle, even if it is just in my head. I think God must look at the world the same way a lot of the time, just taking absolute delight in the stupidest, commonest, oddest sorts of things. Remembering with a chuckle,

"...and it was very good..."

-----------------

One actual observation I had today: Isn't it odd how when you step on the bus, all you see is the empty seat which you seek to claim? Isn't it odd how when you step on the bus, you don't see any faces? Tonight I got on the bus and tunnelvision kicked in and I made straight for the seat just behind the back door, just up the pharmacy steps they put in buses nowadays. All I saw was the seat. I did not see my good friend Andy sitting a few seats away, in the back where he likes to sit. I kind of felt bad. I'm sure he saw me come on, because I know that I certainly see every face that comes on after me. Must have seen me, said to himself, "Hey, that's my friend," then must have felt snubbed that all I saw was the seat...

Oranges

2006-03-10T19:53:00.000-08:00

If I were to make a list of my top 5 favorite fruit, the orange would definitely be in the top 2. Isn't it wonderful that, when you take the first bite of a really well-formed, properly-tasting, juice ejaculating orange, you immediately forget the 10 minutes you just spent peeling the darn thing?

City Bus Muss the Fourth

2006-03-03T21:30:00.000-08:00

The girl in front of me steps onto the bus. As she steps her pant leg rides up to reveal that she is not wearing any socks.

Be ye neither touter nor importunist

2006-02-27T22:47:00.000-08:00

[This is a picture Dave Bruinsma took while in Cornwall, England posted for your amusement.]

...so don't even think of it.

City Bus Muss the Third

2006-02-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

[The word muss is starting to fade on me. At first I thought it was a clever rhyme. Now it's starting to annoy me. Oh well.]

I didn't have any mussi this morning as I didn't sit in my usual spot. There's something about seeing the west side of Henderson which I find really disconcerting. And I had to sit fairly close to the front and when you sit close to the front there's always that possibility that you will have to give up your seat to a sweet old lady. This didn't happen, but when you are thinking about these things its difficult to spot mussi. Mussi must be spotted when you really aren't looking for them, they just have to happen. In fact, if you make a conscious effort to try, you won't find any. It's like thinking about falling asleep. Just doesn't work.
I did get to sit in front of one of my former bus crushes (a topic I will need to give more space to some other time). I say former because it was one of those "good from far but when you get close up you find out that she's really a lot older than you thought and is using a lot of makeup to hide her bad skin" kind of situations....

City Bus Muss the Second

2006-02-23T12:08:00.000-08:00

[OK, I wasn't actually on the bus when this happened, but I think if I wasn't a bus rider this wouldn't be a muss (see definition below)]

An old man on one of those fancy motorized old people scooters, racing down Kennedy St., towing a wheelchair which carried his wife who was wearing an orange and yellow reflective vest.

City Bus Muss the First

2006-02-22T21:03:00.000-08:00

On the sidewalk stand two middle aged native men with huge fluorescent pink sacks at their feet, getting out their bus fare.

City Bus Muss

2006-02-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

I have decided that I need to keep a record of life on the city bus. It's a whole different world in the city bus. It is a place with its own set of laws and traditions and rituals. It is a place with its own leaders and celebrities. When you step onto a city bus, the rules 'outside' suddenly become void and somewhat suspicious. Looking out the window of a bus you view that 'outside' with different eyes. You observe odd things you never notice when driving in a car. So I am going to try to capture this strange world with regular reports on the interesting and odd things-that-make-you-say-"hm" that strike me on my daily commutes.
By the way the word "muss" above means "interesting and odd things-that-make-you-say-'hm'". Are you reading this Mrs. Merriam and Mr. Webster??

Come on guys....guys?

2006-02-18T23:11:00.000-08:00

When you were little did the following ever happen to you: You are hanging out with a friend and all of a sudden you have a strong desire to have contest of one sort or another with that person. It could be running down the sidewalk or seeing how many peas you could suck through your nose. Did it ever happen to you that you would dive into the contest with full enthusiasm and look over only to find your friend either calmly strolling behind you or eating their peas with a fork? Remember what that felt like?

It seems to me that Christianity is in the same situation. For a long time Christians have been competing with whatever the latest heresy happens to be. Creationism vs. Evolutionism being a good example. It seems to me that with the postmodern movement artists, philosophers, and their disciples have just said "Fuck it. I'm just not racing anymore." And then Christianity is left on the track, wanting to race but with no one to compete with. Here's Christianity doing all the training for a race which no one wants to run anymore. In much of the apologetic exercise today we're getting ready for a race, while the philosophers are sitting on the couch eating nachoes. We're trying to prove something and the problem is not that people disagree, they just don't give a fuck. So what are we supposed to do now? The most disturbing reaction Christians face today is not, "I disagree". It's "I don't care" or "I don't give a fuck" which will probably upset some people but which I think sums up well the attitude of most people today.
So what are we to do? My short answer is to stop trying to convince people and just start loving them. People aren't sitting there reasoning with themselves about which religion to pick. They're hurting, they're suffering, they need Jesus, but not in the way we think that they need Jesus in their hearts so that they don't have to go to hell. They're hurting and they need to be shown the one man who once and for all showed us what it means to truly live.

Balderdash

2006-02-13T00:05:00.000-08:00

I just finished playing a game of Balderdash with some really good friends. I seriously haven't laughed that hard in far too long. I think it is necessary that some of the definitions be published here so that I don't forget them (* = correct definition):

fadge:

a Shakesperean expression meaning "turn out" as in "how will this fadge?"
goat entrails
a disease symptomatic of lesions and boils that form in the arm and elbow pits
what one says when all of their creative powers have left them

asanka:

the title given to the second-highest ranked sumo wrestler
* one followed by 45 zeros: a Buddhist type of counting
a vietnamese wine, with a hint of bamboo
the cloud of dust that rises when you flop down onto an old couch

abigeus:

* one who steals cows to make a living
a decorative headpiece worn by a show pony
any leftovers that taste better than the original meal

noddlethatcher:

a fruitless vine
one who is obsessed with buttons and zippers

pannychous:

* anyone or anything that lasts all night

juffle:

* to shuffle about in sloppy old shoes
the exclamation of surprise at finding something
a disagreement resulting in mussed up hair and sometimes ripped shirts
to put out a match by a shake or wag of the arm
to have one's mustache blown by the wind

Perhaps you don't find these all that funny...I don't care, they were at the time and that's all that's important. In conclusion, you should play Balderdash more often.

And by the way, I won.

To WestJet, with Love

2006-02-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

Boy, I love flying with WestJet. I just did this morning. Got up at an ungodly hour after going to bed at an even more ungodly hour. But those WestJet people are just so great. There is life in WestJet. Here's why. It's because in all the scripted rule-following that is airline travel these days, WestJet allows some sort of spontenaity in their following of these rules. Attendants are allowed to joke around and make mistakes when they are talking about the safely features. Somehow this makes me feel more safe. Like how a person who can take being made fun of a little is somehow more real and trustworthy or something like that. Anyways, it warmed my heart that in the paranoid North American world, we can have people who know the rules and follow them, but allow life to come in and dance a little jig every once in a while.

When I fly with WestJet I feel like a person. True, I still have to pay for earphones and anything more than the equivalent of 3 pretzels, but at least its fun and that's how airline travel should be. Never lose the wonder and excitement that comes with being able to fly, even if you are flying in a rather sanitized environment....

Also, thumbs up for facilitating a tight transfer in Calgary. After a fiercely delayed flight out of Winnipeg, I was anticipating missing my connecting flight to Edmonton and having my much needed vacation put on hold indefinately, but instead everything went rather smoothly and I did make my flight here to Edmonton. So thank you WestJet, even though you are big and corporate and probably doing some irrepairable damage somewhere to someone, you do a good job and that's all we really want, isn't it?

[blank]

2006-02-08T21:08:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate it when you feel like you should write and you try and it's like your brain completely empties. I'm leaving for Edmonton on Friday for a much anticipated weekend trip/reunion frenzy. I feel like it would be responsible of me, being a new blogger and trying to get off on the right foot, to say something profound about old friends and travelling, but I seriously can't come up with anything. I even tried a haiku. Nothing. Empty brain. I guess I should just go to bed. Good night.

Me trying to figure out why the hell I thought I should start a blog

2006-02-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

I have something of a dubious relationship to writing. On the one hand I've been told by a couple people that I can do it and I do really enjoy rereading what I've written, call me a narcissist if you want. But then on the other hand I often find myself really intimidated by the really good writers out there, thinking that I don't really have anything all that brilliant to add. A lot of times when I'm writing I feel something like an 11-year-old leaning up against the fence beside his dad and trying to get his elbows up on the edge to look like a grown-up, but having to be content with just resting his chin on the wood because that's as high as I can reach. At least I can still see over...

But nevertheless, I figured it might be fun to get on this blogging bandwagon. If anything it will be a good exercise for myself. I kept a journal all through grade 12, perhaps this will end up as just a personal journal that I can look back on one day. Look back and wonder how I ever made it through.

I have entitled this blog 'stabs in the dark', the same title I used for my old King's Chronicle column. That's often what I feel like I'm doing when I write. There is far more darkness out there than I'd often like to admit, far too much that I haven't a clue about, but every once in a while I see a flash of light or hear the shuffling of feet. It is these unnothingnesses that I'd like to try to describe. My mind tends to wander uncontrollably, so I'm sure this blog will act accordingly. Enjoy.